what's up, buttercup?

just because you’re good at it doesn’t mean it’s your calling. you have to have a passion for it. it has to be an obvious talent, to you and to others.

I wish my parents could have heard this.

is so amazing. it’s 70 degrees outside at 1am and its january.

yesterday I played ball with aaron willard and jess for a couple hours. went grocery shopping with reina, cooked dinner with willard and jess. played drop 7 forever (: ate frozen custard mmm(: some of worship workshop but not much. watched the other guys which was a pretty good movie!

today’s weather was so amazing I had to go to the beach. corona del mar in the afternoon to “study” but the people around us were talking too much. suntanned, drop 7, and somewhat studying. chick-fil-a for dinners(: 

I really need to study for my midterm on monday. D: I just need the next week and a half to go by fast so I can go homeeeeeee.

but I can’t seem to want to go to sleep because there’s too much on my mind.

like how I wish I had the courage to tell my family about what I want to do with my future.

how I wish I had the courage to stand up to my family.

how I wish I had the confidence to reveal the hurt that came from those that I love.

how I wish I had the confidence in myself to succeed.

how I wish I were at home.

how I wish I wasn’t in this mgmt class.

how I wish this quarter wouldn’t be so busy.

how I wish you were here.

how I wish I realized that You are always here.

how I wish I could give it all away.

goodnight..

how much I love my epic family. I literally met these people less than half a year ago and it’s so easy to pour out my entire heart to them. to really tell them the brokenness behind the exterior. and I love them for it. every single one of them. it makes me so genuinely happy just to think about it. (:

I really should be sleeping but I’ve been so filled with emotion this weekend that I can’t let any of it slip from my mind yet.

friday was a really long drive down. aaron let me drive his car so we went speeding down I5 and caught up with the rest of the cars that left before us. gilroy for food and then finally got to the hotel. small groups-ish and then late night talks with the roommates(:

saturday woke up somewhat earlies for first session. meals then seminars. first was media second was about dating. definitely eye-opening stuff haha. women’s time was awesome. dinner, second session, small groups, catching up with friends. speed-friending! definitely made lots of new friends haha(:

sunday was outreach. barted to chinatown. made me so homesick): but it’s kay. froze in chinatown while we tried talk to people. didn’t get anyone to talk much but still 100% success rate haha(: more chilling with friends til 5 am. learned how to breakdance. made up my own dance. pretty embarrassing stuff. but I guess my friends enjoyed it haha.

last session today. definitely amazing stuff. father and sister came to visit for a bit and drop some stuff off(: said goodbyes forever, took pictures, ate lunch and finally came back to irvine at 930 to do homework.

I guess that overview was kind of vague but I learned so much. learned that God loves me, approves of me, and affirms me no matter where I am. that I shouldn’t depend on people’s approval just to find my worth. and I’m so so so tired of it. 

the biggest thing I took away from this conference is definitely what I want to do in life. I’m tired of doing what my parents want me to do just to please them. it doesn’t make sense if I feel like I know where God wants me to go which may be different from what my parents want for me. I’m so thankful for the instant support I got from people I met literally less than 24 hours ago. instant support for when I say that I’m undecided/undeclared but maybe I’d want to go into education. so I’m praying. praying for courage to follow through, praying for strength, and praying for guidance to show me that this is what I really am meant to be doing. 

can you please not?

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO BE FRIENDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

woke up kinda late today. went to nammy’s house for breakfast!(: homemade pancakes and stuffed french toast. so gooods. dropped by to see jessca and racho. lunch planning failure. auntie helen stopped by with a present for me(: I love her so much. went to help liz at awana for a while. stopped at chloe’s to give her a present(: then went to irvington to watch Terrence and Liem ball it up. somewhat haha. it’s kay though, it was cool to watch them. chilled for a while after then home.

one more day): I’m gonna miss home.